Three days and counting...

I did something weird tonight...

The battery in my right hearing aid (the best ear) went. Instead of replacing it, I just took it out and spent the evening using my left hearing aid, an unsubconscious valiant effort I guess, to remember how my current residual hearing sounds like - before it is gone for good.

I currently hear a strong resonating 'NNN' sound in my left ear. Dull, flat, nasal, underwater - nnNNNnnnnermmmmm. Watching 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' - I'm reading the subtitles: 'To the end...' and hearing: 'nu ne emmed'; while 'Seal it off!' is 'neam in omm'; and 'Fear, no doubt' is coming across as 'nea no mouunt'. The Tiger growls 'Nnrrrrrr! Nnrrrrr! NNNNNnrrrrrr!' It just hit me I have decent enough auditory perception - enough to describe just how I am hearing in the left ear... to know it isn't natural. Is it perceptive enough to enable me succeed with the CI?

Talking to Vincent McArdle this week about getting his implant at the age of 12/13, he told me how he found his father difficult to understand before he had his implant. I found this strange. Growing up I was able to understand both my parents.

My most vivid memory of my father is from when I was 9 years old: standing in the kitchen in front of the cooker; supervising a huge bubbling pot of indescribable-coloured soup with a kitchen towel thrown over his right shoulder surrounded by every pot, pan, spoon, fork, cup, dish lying around used and tossed aside... the child-me just arriving on the scene and looking around in stunned-fascinated horror. Knowing my house-proud clean-nik quick-tempered mother will go absolute SPARE at the this sight of my father still half-drunk, just woken from a sleep by Donny Collum. Probably after one of his legendary 2/3 day binge-drinking outings that I hear so much about now! He had tossed his dinner she had saved him into a saucepan with water, a few spoons from the catering tin of vegetable soup, scraps from the fridge (including the left over half-ring of black pudding!) and proceeded to make soup. As the list of ingredients grew, the soup got transferred to bigger and bigger pots til all that was left was the frying pan. My dad is talking and laughing with Donny. Donny opens the fridge, I watch as he sniffs a plate of fish (smoked cod I think!) and makes appreciative noises. I wrinkle my nose and declare fish as 'Yucky!' My Dad grimaces, turns to me and replies sadly: 'Ahhh Gilly... fish tastes beautiful! Beautiful! I LOVE fish... (smacking his lips loudly) beautiful fish! Beautiful!' And I understood every word he said. He died the following year, I struggle to remember his face at times but I remember his voice, those words... and play that scene over and over in my head.

Our mother on the other hand speaks with an almost neutral accent with a slight northern twang that gets more noticeable every time she is in Cavan. Her siblings have a far more pronounced accent than she does. Pointing this out to someone, who replied that it is natural to see our mothers voice as 'the neutral/normal accent' and everyone else in differing dialects away from this. Interesting theory? Does anyone agree?

Mum always speaks ninety-to-the-dozen, so fast I often pick her up totally 'arseways' as she puts it... she can whip between conversations carrying 2 or 3 topics simultaneously, which adds to the confusion too. When she was told that I was deaf she didn't bother changing her way of talking - I swear she decided there and then that I had either had to learn to follow 'her way or the highway!' Over the years I learnt to adjust and second guess the words I miss, successfully I might add; I do this for a lot of people, not just my Mum.

Recently this was brought to the fore by my 4-year-old daughter, sitting between Mum and me at my kitchen table; Théa often repeats things for me e.g. when the shop girl asks if I like 'cash-back' on my laser card and my head is turned - when I don't reply my daughter will tap me and interpret the conversation: "Maaaaam, she said: Do. You. Want. Cash. Back?" Emphasising each word fully and properly.

On this day, Mum was flying along in full-flow as usual; with me sitting there silently - getting one word in every four and 'expertly guessing' the rest! Théa kept tapping me on the arm to 'translate':
-Mam, Nanny's just said X had a baby...
-Mam, Nanny said X died last week...
-Mam, Nanny is talking about a man who....
You get the gist? When suddenly Mum just stops chattering mid-flow "Miss Théa, there's no need to repeat what I say, your mother understands EVERY word I'm saying!" Théa takes offence to this and pursing her lips primly in reply "No Nanny, she can't - she's DEAF and you are speaking TOO fast! Tut!" LOL! While I was admiring the innocent wisdom of my daughter, Mum stopped and looked at me, saying: "Well, once upon a time I think she used to be so much better at hearing me than she does now.... she takes up a lot of things areseways!"
-Yes Nanny. ARSEWAYS!
(AND you can't blame me for that one, Mum!)

I am looking forward (with trepidation if I'm honest) to seeing if their voices sound any different post-switch-on...

Just thinking about the operation is making me restless, I am not sleeping well at all! I better start packing my bag and sort out last minute stuff etc. I've just finalised my travel arrangements with my friend Ray, if there's a bed available on Tuesday he'll come over and pick me up. If I don't - I'll stay the night with them on Tuesday night and he'll bring me in early on Wednesday morning. I'm fasting from midnight.

Two more sleepless nights ahead... Just hope I get enough sleep in there to catch up on it!